We're facebook friends in real life
Plan B is the new Plan A
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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