We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
