Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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