We won't sleep together?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
