guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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