I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
