Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
