I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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