Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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