You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This girl is more easily done than said...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize