just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
