I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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