do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
