also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize