Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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