She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
