Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize