shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
