I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
