It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
