forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We're too hungover to prance.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
