They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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