I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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