I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize