We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
