Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
