I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
