i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
