mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
