I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
