My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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