Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
