That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
sex in a hospital.. check
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
