I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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