I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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