That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
