Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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