he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
