Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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