There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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