the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
