Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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