There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
