i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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