if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
