the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize