it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
