I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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