do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize