her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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