take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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