I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
