Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My vagina is officially offended.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize