I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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