If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
