Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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