i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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