He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
