Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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