Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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