Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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