I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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