If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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