Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize