Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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