Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish I only lived at night.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
