i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
