Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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