having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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