We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize