I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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