Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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