I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
