I seem to have left my pride at pride
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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