I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
