drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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