So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
