dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
