insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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