dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's official drugs can't kill me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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