why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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