P.S. I can't hear my feet
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
