I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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