I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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