if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
