Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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