I wanna passion pit in your ass
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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