I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
