My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
