I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
