this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
